Friday, August 20, 2010

Then and Now

I am right now thinking about how stupid I pretended to be. In high school I really played down the fact that I am smart in order to fit in and and be liked. I have stopped doing that but at the same time I seem to have lost a lot of friends. Don't get me wrong, I like my personality and who I am right now but it is rough thinking that being who I really am might be turning people away. I used to have friends when I acted like a idiot. They weren't the best of friends and in fact some of them made me cry on a regular basis. But at least I had people to call and talk to or hang out with. So I don't know which is better not being myself and being liked or being who I really am and turning people away. All of this really started because someone on Facebook accepted me as a friend. This person doesn't even realize the impact the had on my life and the mind games they used to use on me. But in order to fit into that group I had to pretend to be mediocre at everything (or at least I thought I did). The person I am now as an adult is more who I really am. I am random as hell and proud of it. You never know what you are going to get with me and most of the time it just confuses people. But at least I am authentic and I tell the truth. End of rant.